Just a chick trying to figure out life. These are my confessions.

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So there I am! Living it up in my 30-somethings with a ridiculously hot hubby, 3 seriously outgoing matter-of-fact smart beautiful kids, a cat named Roxii that just won't quit, 2 chihuahuas named Lokii (what was I thinking) and Brodii who don't understand the concept of pee outside.

I'm a strongly opinionated, outspoken, inappropriate and absolutely unapologetic chick going through this thing called life and trying to do it with my sanity intact. So far, this isn't working out so well!

Follow me as I confession myself straight to the LCBO. My rants, my way...you've been warned ;) Xo

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You are here: Home / The Shit Kids Say...

The Shit Kids Say...

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I cannot count the number of times since I became a totally rad mother that my little clone-bots have come out and said some of the funniest shit I have ever heard. People used to go on and on about their kids, telling me stories of times when they said or did something that was totally hilarious or completely embarrassing. I would smile and nod and in my head I would be thinking how desperate these people were to make conversation that they would be making things up just to have something to talk about.

Until I had mine.

Now whenever I hear my mom and dad friends talk about this stuff I genuinely smile and nod knowingly because I have been there, done that. Numerous times. Of course I may or may not be biased but I have got to say I have the 3 funniest kids on the planet. I have no idea where they come up with this stuff.

One incident in particular took place well over a year ago now, and I'm thinking back on it now because of a picture I just seen while cruising the web (which I can't even find again to help set the tone). It was of a guy holding his pants open, looking down at his junk with his mouth hanging open while a girl semi looked on (ok who are we kidding, the bitch was clearly trying to sneak a peek) with raised eyebrows. I know you are wondering W.T.F. I am thinking and where this is going but stay with me for a minute.

My kids at that time were something like 7, 5 and 4. As most of you know the oldest of the bunch is my boy, the other two rats are girls. At different ages and stages kids begin to poke at body parts and start asking all sorts of questions...unless you are my middle child. She up until this point had never asked what is this, why is this there, omg mom my eyes are burning please make it stop when she bursts into my bedroom after I have taken a shower and am trying to get dressed, nadda. Never curious (trust me, I am NOT complaining at all, just simply setting the tone) about why she could bath with the babes but not with the lad, nothing. So you must understand the place from which I am coming when I say that kids have this super power ability to catch you completely off guard and leave you stunned for a few moments at which time you don't know whether to laugh or cry.

So the oldest kid comes out of the shower one night quite proud of his new found ability to wrap a towel and get it to actually stay in place, all by himself. I'm in the process of telling clone-bot 2 to get herself en route because she's next and she stops dead. I proceed to tell her to move her cheeks when I then hear her brother squeal (I look over), spin and almost Mike Tyson himself out using the corner of his bedroom door. His towel has dropped and not only is he embarrassed but he crosses his legs and hides his junk in his hands as he's trying to shimmy his way around the door frame so he can proceed to slam it shut before anyone can say or do anything. I look back over at his sister and she is full out staring at his hands and then his face confused. I was more expecting one of horror or humour but instead of a traumatized look on her face she has one of confusion.

"Stop looking!" I said to her.

Her eyebrows draw down and she suddenly looks angry as he finally manages to retrieve the towel and shut the door.

"Sorry, I didn't mea..."

"No mom. I just wanna know one thing." she says sternly and puts her hands on her hips.

Only one?! Yippee. "Oh? What's that"

"When do I get to grow mine?" and with that she stomps off to her own room and slams the door.

FACE. PALM.



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