Just a chick trying to figure out life. These are my confessions.

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The DSM Bloggess



So there I am! Living it up in my 30-somethings with a ridiculously hot hubby, 3 seriously outgoing matter-of-fact smart beautiful kids, a cat named Roxii that just won't quit, 2 chihuahuas named Lokii (what was I thinking) and Brodii who don't understand the concept of pee outside.

I'm a strongly opinionated, outspoken, inappropriate and absolutely unapologetic chick going through this thing called life and trying to do it with my sanity intact. So far, this isn't working out so well!

Follow me as I confession myself straight to the LCBO. My rants, my way...you've been warned ;) Xo

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You are here: Home / , I'm fat!

I'm fat!

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NOT that I just woke up to this realization this morning, I wake up to this nightmare every single day, but now at 4pm in the afternoon on this lovely Thursday it's just hit me yet again for the millionth time!

"Get up off your fat ass and do something about it then" right? I know that is what most people are thinking if they've even bothered to read yet another fat post. My answer? Kiss my ass! I know. I know I need to get up and do something about it. I need to stop making excuses for every single reason why I can't do it. But come on, you have to admit that some are these are totally valid and make perfect sense - can ya pass the cheesecake please?

1. No Motivation: Despite me telling myself that my children should be answer to all my problems, the bottom line is simple. Children canNOT be the reason you get healthy. Yes they can have some impact but if you aren't losing your weight for you, how the hell are you supposed to lose it for someone else?!?!

2. No Money: I stand behind this. It's expensive and time consuming to try to organize a entirely 'clean' eating menu followed by going to a gym (I say gym because working out at home in the livingroom to dvd's with 3 kids under 7 is so far from workout bliss), and having a husband who could get on a scale that screams 200 but he's 6'1", had a completely physical job that has him working from as little as 5 hours a day to 20...yes, I said 20! This man can eat breath and sleeps junk and yet (and this pisses me off), can go get physicals and scans and bloodwork etc done on a regular basis and have it come back STELLAR!!!!!!

I on the other hand need to bust my ass for almost a year just to lose 25lbs. This wouldn't be so bad if all I needed to lose was 25lbs, but when you need to lose at MINIMUM 60lbs, 25lbs should not take you 12 months. When hubs is working a lot, and I am left home to be the single parent child minder focusing on getting them up for school (the 2 of 3 that go daily), lunches done, in the car and to school on time, get laundry for 5 going, take care of all the other errands that need to be done while I am down 2 kids, get them to their extracurricular activities during the day if they aren't in school, get them from school, get them to the activities etc that are after school, get them home, make dinner, get them fed, get homework done, get showers/baths done, remember that you put a load in the washer and now you gotta get it in the dryer or rewash cause it has sat all flippin day, and then get reading in before bed, get them into bed, find my half drank coffee somewhere under something someplace and then sit down long enough to breathe only to THEN realize you haven't eaten yourself, or you forgot something at the grocery store, or you are trying to play the perfect mom to other parents and have booked yourself to be involved in something you didn't really want to get involved with, to then remembering that shit, you haven't showered in 3 days to finally passing out dressed in stained clothing on the bed because you didn't even think about working out at 10pm is HARD ok!?!?

It also costs a goddamn small mortgage to obtain a personal trainer long enough to kick your ass into gear and get your going (this is of course providing you find the money to get the gym membership AND find one that will take your kid(s) for free during the time you are at the gym to workout) and get you pumped up. They offer up meal suggestions etc and then you come out with how it's hard enough trying to feed 4 other people in your family who have very picky palates, that trying to convince them that tuna on red peppers for dinner is going to be the most scrumptuous thing they have ever tasted just does not happen in this house.

3. No Time: I know everyone can make time, but have you ever just made some time for yourself and if sleeping wasn't the first thing on your mind, the next was QUIET reading, or locking yourself in your bedroom to find some peace and quiet while you try to go through all your work from home related emails etc. I am really thinking that the only time I'm going to actually GET the time for myself is in 2 years when all my kids are in school full time every day. So what? For the next 2 years I stay fat?!

I will vent some more and say this though. I'm tired of all this American companies offering up all these contests and crap to US residents only. Where the F are all the Canadian ones looking for pet projects? I want someone to pick ME for a completely FREE makeover fitness contest and offer to make it all about me for a change.

I love my kids more than life itself, but I also want to be selfish for once and stop being so goddamn miserable all the time. I'm miserable about my body and my self esteem. I am sickened (and have actually thrown up looking at myself in the mirror because I was so ashamed and disgusted with myself) by my appearance and my kids are going to end up with complexes about their own image if I can't kick this.

*SIGH*

Conclusion? I've no idea. I have ZERO ideas about how I can help me help me. If I am destined to be clinically obese for the rest of my life then I wish someone who just tell me and someone convince me to move on with my life and be happy about the way that I look. I mean, who doesn't LOVE shopping in the PLUS size only section and having to bypass every single other store that doesn't carry anything over a size 10. *Yes, that was sarcasm*

I'm out...time to run a kid to another activity and convince the other 2 they want to come too! :)